It’s 5AM Wednesday and I have only dozed off and on the entire night. Fortunately Heather is here with me in my hospital room which gives me a great deal of comfort. This is the first time in the last few days that I have been awake because of lack of pain. That’s right. About 11PM last night we switched pain medications and within about 10 minutes the bulk of my pain was gone. I lay awake with gratitude and joy for all the prayers and notes you have sent the last few days. This is the first time I have gotten on the computer for 3 days so I have a lot of catching up to do.

The last 2 days in the hospital have been the most painful and exhausting I have felt in this entire battle. There were times I didn’t feel God is good all the time. I laid in bed crying, thinking of our boys and Heather and asking God, how much longer, “how much more must I endure before I get better.” At other times I yelled to myself (kind of hard to yell in the hospital without being sent to the psych ward) “God, I am not ready, I have way too much life to live with my family and friends.”

Yet through all the tears and friends and family who came to simply sit with me, I couldn’t help but think about the suffering of Jesus on his last day. The beatings, the long walk to Golgotha carrying his cross and of course the pain of the actual crucifixion. Somehow this gave me a different perspective- yes I am suffering right now but it is nothing compared to the suffering Jesus endured for me, for everyone who believes. God is good all the time, I just don’t understand his perspective all the time. All I have had to hang onto is “God is good, all the time, God is good” – and somehow that’s enough. When I look back over my life he has always been faithful. Sometimes it takes a long time to fully understand certain trials, but it always becomes clear and my faith is strengthened- especially when my heart is changed in ways I didn’t know needed change.

The boys came to visit last night and we had such a sweet time. They have been on my mind so much these last couple of days it just blessed my socks off to be with them. Hearing about how much Bo is loving cross country training at Roosevelt and Johnny’s first couple of days working as a photo editor. We shared some tears but mostly laughter. The funniest thing was the disposable net underwear they have here at the hospital (no I don’t wear them). Bo tried them on and and it was hilarious. Needless to say they were fighting over them and asked me to bring a few pair home to share with their friends.

Today I see my specialist in infectious disease, Dr. Bill Ehni and my oncologist Dr. Doug Lee. I have several blood clots in my lung with the tumor, pulmonary embolisms, which are the most critical to dissolve. Dr Ehni ran a number of cultures yesterday and reviewed the UW results and we will be addressing the liver infection with IV antibiotics. I am not sure when I will be going home but that’s OK.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers.

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Comments

7 Comments so far

  1. ThomasWMcKee on June 27, 2007 7:26 am

    Don and Heather
    Thanks for your updates. Just to let you know that we continue to pray for you everyday and wonder at times why God doesn’t answer like I would like him to. I read Psalm 77 this morning and thought that is how you must feel at times as you experience the pain and slow recovery. After the writer feels his pain and cries out in great emotion to God who seems to have forgotten him(vv. 1-9), he then tries to recall the stories of the power and presence of God to His people(vv 10-20). You seem to be doing this also when you remember the suffering of Christ and his love to you. Your writings are having an impact on us like the writings of the Psalm.
    Having such a great family is wonderful–how thankful we are for the boys and Heather who are with you.
    Tom and Susie McKee
    Sacramento

  2. jim crowell on June 27, 2007 7:46 am

    Don and Heather,
    We couldn’t say it better than Tom and Susie. After all that you have done for God, you are left to wonder why He is doing this to you. Only He knows why and we must continue to believe that He has a reason and that some day He will explain it to you. Hang in there and continue the fight. Our prayers are with you.
    Jim and terri Crowell
    Portland

  3. stan on June 27, 2007 10:47 am

    Thank you, Don.
    Your inspired thoughts about Jesus’ sufferings and its connection to what you are going through !!! Whew !!!! Indeed, “Into your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord God of Truth……In You O Lord, I put my trust…..Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, a fortress of defense to save me….”
    Psalm 31……bits & pieces. You rock, Don, allowing the Spirit in you to reveal and shine through !!! Thank you. We are blessed, and also would continue our plead with God in smoothing out your journey….and use you even more, now that you are an iron spirit, way, way ahead of us……keep on…..YBIC, Stan

  4. Andres on June 27, 2007 10:20 pm

    Dear Don,
    What an amazing guy you are! You are an inspiration to anybody going through rough times; or any other kind of time for that matter.
    God bless you and all your loved ones. You knocked it out of the park with the videos! Its great to see and hear you. You and your family are in our prayers.
    God bless you,
    Andres de Torres

  5. Tom Fairchild on June 28, 2007 8:48 am

    Don, God Bless you and your wife Heather and family.We are all praying for you and know God is in charge.Many of the DADS guys have been tested at an early age by abuse,poor parenting,drugs,incarceration and learn God is our only hope(our salvation).I have been blessed to see you shed some of your scientific logic,corporate thinking.The only upward mobility and success in life is to know God.You are a Brother in Christ, Tom Fairchild

  6. David Carlson on June 28, 2007 4:37 pm

    Don & Heather,
    As this day has unfolded you’ve come oft to mind ,most certainly prompted by the Holy Spirit and I’ve no doubt that’s true of many more than I who’ve either read this or who’re simply more spiritually “in-tune”. It is achingly hard to read of your heart cry to God, describing your desire to live life to it’s fullest, especially with and for your family. Yet, clearly you are doing just that, tho’ weakened physically, your clarity of heart and soul bursts forth as you scribe the journey and greet those who visit and love on you daily. Hopefully your visits with your care team today have brought you encouragement. May Christ’s peace and strength course through you this evening as you rest.

    David

  7. Gary on June 28, 2007 6:38 pm

    A prayer for you, my friend:

    Dear Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I don’t know what Don’s condition is since yesterday’s post, but it seems as if this has been a pretty rough week, to say the least. Lord, I ask that You would comfort Don, that You would ease his pain, and give him strength to endure should You choose to allow him to suffer. Why Lord? Why do You allow people like Don to suffer this way? I thank You Adonai, for the way You are reflected in Don as he endures this ordeal. But I still ask You, because I am helpless and because I care, that You would heal Don. As I write this I hear old voices telling me that You are working out things according to Your purposes by letting Don suffer this way. Perhaps. But all I can see is someone who loves You, who loves his family and friends, and who loves life. So I ask for Your mercy, Your compassion, Your love, and Your healing. AMEN

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