It’s hard to believe I am back in Northwest Hospital again. On the other hand it is a bit of a relief since I have been feeling so weak. As Skip mentioned in his blog, I was admitted because of the concern that there was an infection that we had not yet isolated that was causing the weakness and elevated temperature. What Skip didn’t say was that there was also concern of internal bleeding in my small intestine.

Today my hematocryt is 25 which I think is the lowest it has been. I had a lot of bleeding last night so the concern is controlling the internal bleeding while also preventing additional blood clots. I am getting a blood transfusion with 2-3 units of blood so that should really increase my energy. I have also felt better on the new antibiotic. Up until about 30 minutes ago things were still looking good for our trip to Malibu at the Goff’s cabin on Monday.

The problem is the CT scan I had taken last night. The fluid in my lung and my liver have not decreased. While we don’t know what the strategy will be to deal with this, it is of great concern. On Monday my team of doctors will meet, review and propose a strategy. This strategy most likely will include a tube through my back to drain the lung fluid- and the need for surgery in the liver. There is fluid that is being exchanged between the lung and liver through the diaphragm which means it’s hard to deal with the lung without dealing with the liver.

After 9 months on this journey I have learned not to get to worked up about things until everyone has weighed in- there are just way too many moving parts. We want to take the conservative approach but at the same time there is a point in which risk must be taken in order to move forward. For me I just pray and trust that in all this ambiguity God will provide an answer that we will all be at peace with.

I just finished writing a hard e-mail to my dear friend Bob Goff. It’s clear at this point that our vacation next week is impossible for me to take. I had already pictured myself at their beautiful cabin in a lounge chair reading a good book and sipping a Negro Modello. Instead I will here at Northwest Hospital sipping on a diet Pepsi. Oddly enough I am OK with this knowing my health is the number one priority. While I could be ready to travel in a week, I could also be in a 1-2 month recovery from a very complicated surgery.

Heather spent the night with me in the hospital last night and this morning we actually discussed various scenarios that might occur depending on the testing and doctors recommendations. While we discussed several, the one I like most is Heather and the boys going without me. While this is hard, I get tremendous joy knowing my family is having fun. They are also so expressive when they come back, between the pictures and the stories, I almost feel like I have been with them.

So I again ask for your prayers- for Peace, Patience, Wisdom, Joy and complete Trust that God is not only present but actively guiding our way. I continue to believe that:

God is good, all the time, God is good!

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2 Comments so far

  1. jennygiles on July 14, 2007 12:59 pm

    I understand.
    We have faced similar situations: ambquity, waiting, a series of serious situations that you have become accustomed to facing but never comfortable with and never quite sure how to represent to others appropriately.
    These medical situations are like a world to themselves. People who have not lived there cannot really understand where you are.

    I have to tell you. When Heather spoke at Community Bible Study about how people would say how brave she was and how they could never go through this so calmly as she has……I laughed inappropriately as I remembered those comments. The people at my table shot me a glance, I could not help myself, and I did not have a chance to explain the inside joke.

    People say that because, it seperates you from them. Your situation scares them. THAT STUFF HAPPENS TO OTHER PEOPLE. is the great buffer that helps all us sleep at night. So you must be something special, and this must be some extraspecial experience, I think is the hopeful thought.

    Then when cancer hits you personally on the head like a brick out of the blue, it is like a dream. The buffer is gone. And here you are dancing on the edge of heaven. The boundaries between heaven and earth are blurred. Now ANYTHING is possible, anything miraculous and anything devastating.

    When my husband miraculously survived the ventilator and ARDS and he was not expected to live (one of his complications of bone marrow trasnplant treatment), I really learned best then that miracles cannot happen without the wide open possibility of devastating loss as well. BUT I was also covered with with an overwhelming peace that I cannot explain, a peace that existed even though I was sad, even though I felt alone in that ICU room with my thoughts……I still had this solid base of peace beneath me like concrete and that kept me upright.
    Jesus was my stronghold, my strongshoulder in troubled times when all possibilites lay out before me.
    I did not know the outcome, I only knew that it would be OK. I knew it, even while I cried.

    I know Heather what makes you special. You live each day. You love your husband each day. You wash your dishes, you drive your car, you buy your groceries, you eat, you pray, you cry, your hope, you call your best friends, you talk to your boys… do it one day at a time and you wait, one day a time: because it is the only way it can be done.
    otherwise you would just go crazy and you would be no use to anyone and nothing would get done.

    I am sorry for the comments that seperate you from others. I know those things are said out of fear. They are not comforting.

    Believe this. Jesus cares for you today. Nothing that has happened has takened God by surprise. While we wait to discover the best treatment and the root cause, God guides and God knows. We wait on God.

    Rest today. Be at peace. You have your strategies ready for tomorrow for tomorrow’s scenerios. Now rest, and wait.

    Lord Jesus,
    Give Don and Heather lovely dreams tonight. peaceful dreams, guiding dreams. Give them rest and peace.
    Lead and guide the doctors. root causes, and cures are needed. help us to wait and discover.


  2. stan on July 17, 2007 9:32 pm

    Whew……Psalm 23, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want….. as there is no darkness, just absence of the lord’s presence…You will always have the Lord with you and so truly darkness is only a fragment of imagination…. You will always have and convey light to all…keep your strength with with Him through you….be the light for us all….

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